Thursday, April 15, 2021

Don't Change That!

Image by Craig T. Owens
I don’t like change. When things change I feel uncomfortable, insecure. Maybe that’s what it is about technology that annoys me. I just get used to doing something one way and the next time I go to do it, it has been updated and “improved.” I use technology every day. It seems reasonable that it would become instinctive after a while. 

I started taking piano lessons at age seven. That means, I’ve been playing the piano for more than sixty years. The process has not changed. There are still eighty-eight keys, and music notation has remained the same all these years. So, with practice I have gotten better; by applying the same procedures over and over, I have achieved a level of comfort and mastery. Likewise, when I don’t play for a while, that level diminishes. It’s all quite logical and predictable.


Like technology, life isn’t logical or predictable. Life changes constantly. All living creatures experience metamorphoses in both themselves and the universe. I daresay humans are the only lifeforms that resist change. We might even become frustrated and angry when certain changes occur: the aging process with its physical alterations, the onset of a serious illness, the loss of a loved one. These are natural, expected metamorphoses. Yet, when they occur, they throw us into a tailspin. 


The more we resist change, the more frustrated and angry we become. Some changes can even challenge our faith in God. Why would a loving God put us through this? Why does God allow us (or a loved one) to suffer? How many times have you heard someone say, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” Poppycock! That saying isn’t even scriptural.


In John 16:33, Jesus is recorded as saying, “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Perhaps the false saying comes from a misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where Paul is talking about temptation. “God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape….” Even Jesus was tempted. It was not God who tempted His Son. Likewise, it is not God who tempts us, but offers us a means of escape. 


Even in the Old Testament, one Psalmist tells the Israelites, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea...the Lord of hosts is with us...cease striving and know that I am God (Psalm 46, selected verses).” According to bible scholars, this Psalm (hymn) was sung as long ago as the tenth century BC in response to the invasion of Israel by outside forces. The author reminds us that when change threatens to unravel our plans and even challenge our trust in God, it is not God who has changed. Rather, it is we who have rebelled against God (“our refuge and strength”).  


It has taken me a lifetime to learn that God is not the giver of trouble. Rather, God gives me strength and courage to face trouble head-on. When I abide in union with Him, God provides the means to handle whatever life, with all of its changes, deals me. 


Please visit my author website: https://www.cindylfreeman.com/

Friday, April 9, 2021

Channeling A Prolific Author


I enjoy discovering new authors. New to me, anyway. Recently, I happened upon the work of a British author, Catherine Cookson. Not that I’ve read her books. Rather, my husband and I found numerous movies on Amazon Prime based on her intriguing novels.

Born in 1906 in Northumberland England, Cookson was an extremely prolific author, having written around 120 books, including seventy novels. Perhaps the most fascinating fact I uncovered is that she dropped out of school at age fourteen. Imagine that! Yet, according to Wikipedia, “She is in the top 20 of most widely read British novelists with sales topping 100 million, while retaining a relatively low profile in the world of celebrity writers.”

Cookson’s stories, many written under her maiden name, Catherine Marchant, are complex and emotive, and her plots often take surprising twists. She writes about the nineteenth century working class in England, seeming never to exhaust her storehouse of fascinating subjects and storylines.

After watching a half-dozen movies made from her books, I became keen to learn more about Cookson’s life, which, I discovered, was most interesting. It seems that she was born the illegitimate daughter of a poverty-stricken, alcoholic barmaid, Kate, whom she was told was her older sister. She began working as a maid then a laundress in her hometown of Tyne Dock, but longing to escape poverty eventually moved to Hastings. There she met and married Tom Cookson, a local school master, who encouraged her writing. After winning numerous awards, Cookson quickly rose from regional acclaim to international best-selling status. In addition to seventy novels, this prolific writer penned eight autobiographical books, which I can’t wait to get my hands on.

Thus far, my husband and I have watched “The Man Who Cried,” “The Moth,” “The Black Candle,” “The Rag Maid,” and “Tilly Trotter.” If all of her novels have been made into movies, we have a long way to go. But, as entertaining as her stories and characters are on the screen, I am anxious to read her books to see how she uses language to paint her vivid pictures. Movie adaptations can never do justice to an author’s style or voice. 

Both Catherine Cookson and her husband died in 1998. She was ninety-two. They had no living children--a devastating aspect of her life that caused depression and surely influenced her writing. Upon her death, her bank account held 20 million pounds--all of which went to charities. 

If you have read any of Cookson's novels, I'd love to hear from you. As for me, I expect my Kindle reader to be busy for quite some time.

Please check out my author website: https://www.cindylfreeman.com/

Saturday, March 13, 2021

Stop "Awfulizing"

I tend to think I’m responsible for other people’s moods and reactions. I know this is a sign of insecurity, so I’m embarrassed to admit it. But it’s true. Following are two examples with the names changed to protect the innocent.

In the corridor of a school where I once worked, a fellow teacher walked toward me. She and I had always enjoyed a congenial relationship, but as she drew closer, I saw that her face wore a scowl with deep lines etched in her forehead. I smiled and said, “Hi, Martha. How are you?” She blew past me without a word, her frown set in concrete. Immediately, I decided I must have done something to offend her, but what? I wracked my brain, but came up with nothing. That night I couldn’t sleep as my imagination recreated scenarios in which I might have slighted or insulted Martha. What must she be thinking of me? How will I ever repair this broken relationship?


Ginny and I always called each other on our birthdays. One year I called twice and left messages then tried again the next day. This time I said, “Please call me back.” No response. So, I texted, “What’s wrong? I haven’t heard from you.” But I was thinking, “Why are you ignoring me? Why are you mad at me? What have I done to you? Will we ever be friends again?” Another sleepless night followed. 


As it turned out, Martha was suffering from a migraine the day I met her in the corridor. She was in so much pain that she couldn’t function. A few days later, when we talked in the teacher’s lounge, she was her friendly, gregarious self who didn’t even recall passing me in the hallway. In her desperation to get home, take her meds and find a dark place to rest, she hadn’t even noticed me. And the friend who ignored my calls and texts? She had lost her phone for a few days. Upon recovering it, she called to thank me for my birthday wishes. 


There is enough drama in life that I don’t need to manufacture it. Yet, I used to indulge in self-defeating thought patterns regularly. Jack Singer, author of The Teacher’s Ultimate Stress Mastery Guide, calls this negative thinking “awfulizing.” Unfortunately, awfulizing is a deeply ingrained habit from my childhood when my anxiety caused me to turn every emotion into a catastrophe. I carried this stress-inducing pattern into young adulthood and still find myself slipping from time to time.


I can’t say I am cured of awfulizing, but I do catch myself more quickly than I once did, and I have developed strategies to stop the craziness. First, I say affirmations to myself such as, “How does this problem stack up in terms of eternal significance?” Or “Every problem has a solution, and I am intelligent enough/mature enough to find it.” Then I breathe deeply, utter a quick prayer for calm, and either table the problem until I have time to deal with it or jot down the negative emotions that have upset me: “I’m feeling worried, or sad, or defeated, or angry.” Finally, when the time is right, I sit with God, who helps me identify the incident or comment that triggered my emotion. Together we evaluate the consequences, and form a plan to address the issue. 


Usually I’m able to come up with one of two healthy responses: 1. Tomorrow, I will do or say such-and-such toward fixing the problem; or 2. His/her comment/behavior is not about me. Controlling other people’s emotions, words, and actions is not my responsibility. 


This year I will turn seventy-two. Someday I hope to be an adult who doesn’t resort to awfulizing whenever I’m faced with a challenge.


Please check out my author website:  https://www.cindylfreeman.com/  

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Because I Must

image by thoughtcatalogue.com
My writing career emerged so late in life that I have felt an urgency to accomplish its goals and fulfill my dreams as an author. A belly-fire compels me to leave for posterity a meaningful body of work, a body of words, if you will. This aspiration has little to do with acquiring fame or fortune. Rather, it comes from a lifelong preoccupation with words--their beauty and their potential to influence for good--and for God. 

I’m convinced that words have power--the power to hurt and the power to heal. In my latest book, After Rain, I refer to a fifteen-year period in my life when I was chronically ill and, consequently, deeply depressed. Often, my utterances spewed forth as hurtful barbs and unwelcome criticisms. Yet, it was never my intention to harm people, especially the people I loved the most. I was so angry, helpless and hopeless that I needed to lash out. I couldn’t seem to control the outrageous alter ego that consumed me. 


It was difficult to write about that dark period; it’s difficult, even now. But since 2010, when I started writing in earnest, I’ve learned that writing is therapeutic. More importantly, I’ve learned that authentic words can be helpful to others, especially those who are going through painful experiences. 


Giving yourself, as a writer, permission to be vulnerable is not easy; but holding prisoner the ugly recesses of one’s mind does not benefit readers who may be searching for truth or hope or lasting peace.   


Lately, I have been watching documentaries created by Yad Vashem, an organization committed to commemorating the few living survivors of the Nazi Holocaust. The accounts are heart-wrenching, the atrocities oh-so-ugly. Sometimes I must pause, take a breath and shed tears, but I continue watching because the words of these courageous individuals are important. Remembering the history, along with its horror, is important “lest we repeat it.” 


Without exception, the one thing all these survivors mention is that they could not speak about their experiences for twenty-five to thirty years after the war ended. Telling their stories was too painful. Recalling the horrors they and their loved ones suffered was too traumatic. It wasn’t until they realized the world might forget unless they spoke out, that they were able to summon the courage. 


Authentic words, whether written or spoken, are important.


What is my dream as an author? What is it that I want to leave behind after I’m gone from this earthly existence? Aside from my cherished children and grandchildren, I want to leave a body of writing that makes a positive contribution to the world. I want my words to inspire hope and provide comfort.  


Most creative writers will tell you they write because they must. They write because without written expression, they are not whole. Yes, I write because I must, but the more I write, the more conscious I am of the power of authenticity. It’s a responsibility I do not take lightly.   


Please visit my author website: https://www.cindylfreeman.com/


Sunday, February 28, 2021

The Curse

Since January, I’ve been trying to improve my attitude toward housework. It was one of my New Year’s resolutions. Instead of thinking of housework as a curse, I decided to refer to it as “housefun,” at least in my mind. After all, changing one's negative attitude is about mind control, and housework--I mean housefun--is good exercise, right?

To help with this attitude adjustment, I turn up the volume on my Google device, sing as I dust, and dance with the mop. I reach extra high and bend extra low, engaging all muscle groups. I convince myself that it’s good for heart health and weight control, and surely my Fitbit is registering lots of steps. Therefore it must be fun. Mind control, attitude adjustment. Bah humbug!  

Why is it I can walk three miles at a good clip and feel energized afterward, but thirty minutes of housework leaves me exhausted and dripping with sweat? Let’s break this down. “Housework” is a term that doesn’t adequately describe the process that must occur to get a house clean. “House torture” is more like it.


You see, housework involves de-cluttering, sorting, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing, polishing, scouring, changing bed linens, shampooing rugs and upholstered furniture, washing windows….well, you get the picture. With all that bending, reaching, climbing, and scrubbing you would think my Fitbit watch would explode with the effort of awarding well-earned steps. But no! I can spend a whole Saturday cleaning to find I’ve racked up only 800 steps. My daily goal is 7,000 steps.  


The curse is that I like a clean house. I want my floors to shine, my countertops and sinks to sparkle, and my furniture dust-free. Hire a maid, you say? I’ll bet Barbara Taylor Bradford, Nora Roberts, Danielle Steele, and JK Rowling all have maids. But there’s a catch. My net worth as an author is far from $300 million like Bradford and even further from Rowling's $1 billion. If that were true, I’d have a live-in maid--make that two live-in maids--and a butler. How am I supposed to become a best-selling author when I’m busy doing housework? 


You’ve seen all those helpful hints and products that promise to make housework a breeze, right? Conspiracy theories! Fake news! I’m here to tell you the only way housework is easy-breezy or anywhere approaching fun is if someone else is doing it. When I’m scrubbing a toilet or mopping a floor, I’d rather be doing just about anything else: giving blood, having a tooth pulled, sitting on a thumb tack...you name it and I’m your gal. Mostly, I’d rather be writing. 


Please visit my author website: https://www.cindylfreeman.com/


Monday, February 22, 2021

I Try to Understand

When someone expresses an opinion that differs from mine, I try to understand their point of view. If we’re debating which way the toilet paper roll should be placed on the dispenser or whether coffee is a better beverage than tea...well of course, coffee wins, hands down. But if you’re a tea drinker, I don’t judge you. And if you feel you must take the toilet paper from the underside like a barbarian, so be it. We agree to disagree, and our relationship survives. 


However, if it’s an important issue, I attempt to look at it from the other person’s perspective. I think about it, meditate on it, and pray about it until I find discernment and finally peace. I’ve lived long enough that other people have sometimes been successful in changing my stance...with a few exceptions.


White supremacy is one of those exceptions. I will never, and I repeat, never understand how fellow members of my Caucasian race can justify the premise that people of color are inferior and deserve less respect than white people. Whenever I try to understand the perspective of white supremacists, nothing convinces me that it is okay. I simply cannot make sense of it or condone it on any level. 


I attended college in Greensboro, North Carolina in the midst of the Civil Rights movement. I clearly recall the sit-ins, the marches, and the riots. We awoke nearly every morning to sirens wailing not far from campus. At night, the sky blazed with flames rising from buildings throughout the city. Not that we could get close to the action. For our safety, we were confined to campus, and our administrators imposed a sun-down curfew for most of my sophomore year. 


That curfew posed a problem for music majors. We needed to use the practice rooms after dark. Evening was the only time we weren’t busy with classes and jobs. That meant walking across campus to the music building, something the male students were allowed to do. Remember, this was the sixties. We “young ladies” complained to the administration until they finally gave us permission to be out after dark as long as each of us was accompanied by a male chaperone.


When a disciple of Malcom X came to town, my religion professor was determined to take his students to hear the man speak. I have no idea how he managed it, but with or without permission, we walked to UNC-G, located only a couple blocks from our campus. We had been studying Islam, and our professor was a proponent of the adage, “Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” 

 

I will never forget what the speaker said, how he said it, or how afraid I felt as his militant words washed over me. On television, I had heard Dr. King speak with intelligence, reason, and non-violent rhetoric. This was a large, very loud, very angry Black man speaking to--or rather shouting at--a primarily white audience. Honestly, I wondered if we would get out of there alive. 


Malcolm X, the founder of the Black Panther movement had been assassinated only three years earlier. With his radical Black Power agenda, he was no Martin Luther King! But I understood. It seemed to him that King and his peaceful protests had failed to bring about significant change, and Black people were fed up. If they couldn’t appeal to decency, justice and their Constitutional rights through peaceful means, what recourse remained for achieving equality? Yes, I understood why this speaker was so angry.


I still understand. I still have no patience or tolerance for racial slurs, racial superiority, segregation based on race, hatred or violence toward another race, or denial of fundamental rights due to race. 


If you haven’t ‘walked a mile’ in a Black person's shoes, try this on for size. It is an excerpt from the eloquent letter Dr. King wrote to his fellow clergymen in 1963 from his jail cell in Birmingham.  


“We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. For years now I have heard the word ‘Wait!’ It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity…


“Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say wait. But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick, brutalize, and even kill your black brothers and sisters with impunity; … when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-old daughter why she can’t go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see the tears welling up in her little eyes when she is told Funtown is closed to colored children, and see the depressing clouds of inferiority begin to form in her little mental sky, and see her begin to distort her little personality by unconsciously developing a bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five-year-old son who is asking in agonizing pathos: ‘Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?’ when you take a cross country drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading ‘white’ and ‘colored’; when your first name becomes ‘nigger’ and your middle name becomes ‘boy’ (however old you are); … and when your wife and mother are never given the respected title of ‘Mrs.’; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tip-toe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of ‘nobodiness’--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait.”   


Have we as a country made any progress since 1963? Do Black Lives Matter today any more than they did in 1863 or 1963? How long must Black Americans wait? I try to understand, but I cannot. Bigotry and racism cannot be understood as anything other than wrong! And so I ask, “When will Lady Liberty’s torch, at last, shine on people of color in the so-called ‘land of the free’? 


Please visit my author website: https://www.cindylfreeman.com/

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

What Inspires You?


One might say that the COVID-19 pandemic inspired my latest book,
After Rain, but that wouldn't be wholly accurate. Certainly the pandemic lockdown prompted my writing, but it was God who inspired it. Does that make me one of God’s chosen messengers, a prophet, or a cleric? No. I’m not qualified to claim any of those labels. But, as a follower of Christ, I’ve learned to listen in the silence of each morning for that “still, small voice.”  


For me, writing is nearly always a spiritual experience. My writing is a response to what I’m thinking and feeling, but, more than that, it is a response to whatever I’m discovering about life within the context of faith. It can also be a reflection of what I need such as strength or discernment or healing; and I have lived long enough to understand that my needs are not unique or special. Rather, they are shared by all of humanity, whether consciously or not. 


Each new day brings fresh discoveries, it seems. I learn something new about myself or humanity or God almost daily. Sometimes these revelations happen by accident--when I’m not even searching--but more often inspiration comes because I have purposely opened my psyche to awareness of life’s mysteries and God’s miracles. 


Few people make space for Divine inspiration, it seems. It’s no one’s fault. We are busy with jobs, families, chores, social media, and myriad other distractions. So, the practice of being awakened to inspiration must become a scheduled event. 


As I discussed the format of this book with my publisher, I knew I wanted it to include a space for readers to respond to the weekly devotions through prayer, meditation, and journaling. We agreed that each month’s entries should end with a lined page where readers could write their own thoughts after my prayer and meditation prompts.


If you purchase After Rain, you will benefit a wonderful non-profit organization that never charges a penny for its services: Hospice House and Support Care of Williamsburg, Virginia. In exchange for your generosity, I trust you will be blessed with comfort and peace by taking the time to pray, meditate, and reflect through your own journal entries. Perhaps you'll discover what inspires you. 

To read a FREE sample of After Rain, visit my author website.