Getting Real

A challenging task for me as an author is to create characters who possess value systems different from my own. I struggle to express, on paper, attitudes and actions that are contrary to my own belief system. Take, for example, swearing—or "cussin'," as my sweet mother-in-law used to say. I don't believe in taking God's name in vain, and I find the "f-bomb" repugnant. Yet, what if one of my characters would be more authentic by spewing obscenities or by being sexually explicit or abhorrently cruel?

Some horrific stories, as in my novel, The Dark Room, are just too important not to be told. The Dark Room describes the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse of a woman, her child, and her grandchild. Often Stella's husband, Hank is drunk or high on drugs when he administers the abusive language and beatings. While the story is fiction, it represents too many true accounts of battered women and abused children.

I wanted The Dark Room and its characters to be authentic. I wanted real victims to recognize themselves in Stella and realize that whether the abuse is overt or subtle, they don't deserve it, and help is available if they reach out.

To make Hank plausible, I had to create a persona that is wholly egregious to my sensibilities. Hank is cruel, controlling, filled with rage, and unable to express his grief in a healthy way. Instead, he tries to numb his emotional pain with drugs and alcohol. He lashes out and alienates the very people who could provide support.

Through research for this book, I discovered case studies that verified the authenticity of my accounts. The cruelty described in The Dark Room is more prevalent in American society than most people realize or are willing to admit. Men from all walks of life beat and belittle women and children every day. These men are emotionally damaged and have a need to control and overpower others. They are attracted to those who seem least likely to fight back or to stand up for their rights as human beings. They convince their victims that they are worthless and at fault for their behavior.

If I have an important story like The Dark Room to tell, should I dilute its impact by writing a cleaned-up version? Do I tread on the side of caution or do I set aside my own discomfort to develop authentic characters? It’s a decision with which I struggle, knowing that my written words will outlive me. Perhaps I'll never completely reconcile this issue. Overall, I feel a responsibility to my readers to give them authentic characters, but I draw the line at using sensationalism and obscenity just to sell books. 

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman. Her books are available through amazon.com or hightidepublications.com

Happy Endings

All my novels have happy endings, but happy endings aren’t always possible in real life, especially where the legal system is involved.

Last fall, I was finishing my daily walk. As I neared home, a car pulled up beside me and the young driver began to ask for directions. Trusting my instincts, I kept my distance, moving only close enough for him to hear me. I began to direct him, but when I took my eyes off his face and looked down, I saw that his jeans were pulled down, exposing his genitals and he was masturbating. Stunned, I yelled, “Shove off!” and headed in the opposite direction.

I was too shocked to memorize his license plate number, but later I realized I could identify him, and I remembered enough about his car to know it was an older-make, faded, red sedan. I called the police, thinking that very little could be done to locate the perpetrator.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I kept seeing the man and thinking about the incident. I felt violated. Then I felt ridiculous for reacting that way. After all, he hadn’t touched me or threatened me, but I kept thinking about the children on our quiet streets. What if he had exposed himself to one of them? 

Since that experience, I’ve researched Exhibitionist Disorder and learned that my reaction was normal and that the desire to shock their victims is exactly what motivates exhibitionists.

As disturbing as the episode was, it resulted in a positive outcome, a happy ending, if you will. The police officers were respectful and attentive to my complaint, following up numerous times and keeping me posted as the case progressed. As it turned out, there were other reports about this individual, and he was apprehended three days later. After that, he spent six months in jail awaiting trial. I began to put the occurrence behind me. 

A few days ago, I received a call from a witness/victim’s advocate asking if I wanted to attend the trial. When I said, “no” she assured me that my witness statement by phone was sufficient. She asked how I was coping and what I would like to see happen to the young man. He had a juvenile record of non-violent misdemeanors and several more recent DUI’s. I said I hoped he could be rehabilitated since he appeared to be in his twenties. I hoped he could be helped and could have a productive life. 

Next, I heard from the prosecuting attorney who explained in detail how the trial would proceed. She said the young man intended to plead guilty and that there were mental health concerns. During his incarceration, a psychologist had evaluated him and recommended treatment for substance abuse, anxiety, and depression.  

  

After the trial, the victim’s advocate called again and informed me that the judge sentenced the accused to time served, license revocation, and mandatory treatment for alcohol addiction. She said he stated that he was sorry for his actions and wished to apologize to his victims. According to her, this remorseful attitude in perpetrators is extremely rare. He must attend AA meetings and regular counseling sessions and will be monitored closely. Both his mother and his fiancée agreed to drive him.

In my opinion, this is how the legal system should work. Like the characters in my novels, this young man’s story can have a happy ending, if he chooses to make the most of his second chance. As for me, after this experience, my faith in the local police force and legal system is rock-solid. 

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman. Her books are available through amazon.com or hightidepublications.com

My Sunroom

I’ve always wanted a sunroom. The sun is my panacea for every ill. It’s warmth and brilliance make me feel alive and whole.

Before retirement, I’d start my day in a second-floor bedroom that faced northeast. With only two windows, it served as my make-shift sunroom. After an early-morning walk, I’d sit in my big, upholstered chair with a cup of coffee and my Bible. All of this took place before 7:00 a.m. Then, I would eat breakfast, shower, dress, and rush off to a twelve-hour workday spent inside. I loved my work, but I yearned to write, and I knew my muse required sunshine.

Now that I’m retired, and we live in a condo, I have a bona fide sunroom. My morning routine is quite different. I no longer wake up at 5:45 a.m., dress in the dark, and take my walk before sunrise. Sometimes I even sleep until 7:00 or 7:30.

I still start my day in communion with the Creator, but now I meet God in my sunroom. With windows on three sides, I can bask in the wonder of God’s amazing creation whichever way I swivel my chair. The ambience is wholly inspirational.

Today, I felt inspired to write a poem. Poetry is not my usual genre, but as I sat in my sunroom, gazing upon the brave daffodils that have survived a temperamental spring, it came to me.

Daffodil is fooled into thinking it is spring.

Donning a yellow sundress, she opens her mouth to sing.

The temperature plays tricks on her, expelling winter gloom,

Dancing upon her budded face and coaxing it to bloom,

Now her leaves pop forth, reaching toward the sun.

She lets the warmth deceive her, “There's lots of time for fun.”

Yesterday the sun shone bright. The temperature climbed to sixty.

Daffodil said, “Look at me! Aren't I just nifty?”

“I'll come out to play and revel in the breezing.

Uh-oh! I took a chance but now the air is freezing.

What to do? Stay or go? Too late to reconsider.

I wish I’d brought a coat with me to guard against the bitter.

I promised that this year I wouldn’t rush to arrive.

I’d wait till spring was earnest, when flowers could survive.”

But memory fails our golden friend, for last year was the same;

The sunshine fooled her that year too, in February she came.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman. Her books are available through amazon.com or hightidepublications.com

Secrets

Every family has its secrets. Most are insignificant, harmless little privacies or even white lies that are perpetuated through the generations. We may guard them because they are painful or embarrassing. Human nature dictates that we protect the family name from ill-repute.

When I was a child, I sensed that my mother held a well-protected secret. As I grew older, it became evident that she had been molested as a child. Had she told me the truth, I might have understood her over-protection of my sister and me, especially her warnings about men. I’m sure I would have responded with empathy. She never shared her secret until I was middle-aged with children of my own. Yet, I knew. I’m convinced that if painful secrets are not shared, they manifest in the behavior and attitude of the secret-holder.

Sometimes secrets are used to manipulate or harm others. In my novel, Unrevealed, Allison Harmon, the twenty-seven-year-old protagonist is plagued by what she thinks are hallucinations. She begins to wonder if she is going crazy. Soon she discovers that a family secret has been scrupulously hidden from her throughout her life. We learn that this secret is the result of her powerful grandfather’s antiquated prejudice.

Even as a child, Allison senses that something significant happened at her childhood home, Wellington Manor, something her parents and grandparents, even her housekeeper, kept from her. Were they trying to protect her or themselves? Had they planned to reveal the truth to her one day?

Allison realizes that, rather than hallucinating, she is experiencing flashbacks to actual childhood experiences. Now, with her father’s recent death, both parents are gone, and she is left with an intense need to uncover the truth. She turns to Wellington Manor’s housekeeper, Martha, the only person who knows enough Harmon family history to enlighten her. But will Martha share what she knows, or will she continue to guard the secret?

I’m convinced that secrets can destroy families and leave individuals with strained relationships and unresolved issues. Will Allison Harmon struggle against her family’s demons forever or will she finally find the freedom to experience a life of love and possibility? Read Unrevealed to find out.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman. Her books are available through www.amazon.com              or www.hightidepublications.com 

The Dark Room

What causes men, or women, to become abusers? Are they born with an abusive personality? Are they evil? Are they monsters?

In my novel, The Dark Room, I explore the issue of abuse which can manifest in three ways: physical, psychological and verbal. Some abusers employ all three ways of controlling their victim(s). But why? Through extensive research for this book, I learned that many factors contribute to the need for power and control over another human being.

In The Dark Room, Hank, the antagonist experiences a traumatic event that precipitates his downward spiral into violence. He begins to abuse alcohol and drugs, attempting to dull the pain of  dark memories. In his drunken stupors, he beats and humiliates his wife, Stella, their daughter, Amy, and granddaughter, Jodie. After Hank forces Amy to buy his drugs, she ends up in prison. He locks Amy’s illegitimate daughter, Jodie, in a dark room and chains her to a bed. He beats her and her grandmother, Stella, nearly every day.

Later, the reader learns that Hank’s father abused him, his mother, and his brothers. Often such behaviors are perpetuated through generations. Without intervention, the abused becomes the abuser.

Battered Woman Syndrome and child abuse result from fear of losing control. By overpowering the vulnerable in their lives, people like Hank maintain control the only way they think they can.

Why would anyone want to read about such horrors? Sometimes at book events, women say to me, “I can’t read that. I lived it.” I don’t even try to convince them that The Dark Room is a good story, worth their time; that it includes a beautiful romance and a happy ending. I understand. If I hadn’t married a good, kind man and raised good, kind children, I couldn’t have written The Dark Room. It would have hit too close to home for me, too.

In The Dark Room, Stella is befriended by her boss, Edith, who recognizes the signs of abuse. Edith is determined to help Stella escape her seemingly hopeless situation. Edith enlists the help of Mike a police sergeant who eventually becomes her love interest. In Edith, Stella finds a trusted friend. Edith is supported by Mike, a good, kind man who provides balance and reason.

I wrote The Dark Room to bring attention to a subject most of us prefer to ignore. It’s uncomfortable to think about innocent children being beaten, starved or hidden away. It’s unpleasant to think about women like Stella being pushed, punched, and called demeaning names until they believe they are worthless and powerless, convinced they deserve the abuse. 

I wrote The Dark Room to enlighten those who refuse to believe the horror exists across all races, ages, educational levels, and socio-economic conditions. It does.

I wrote The Dark Room for people who suspect someone in their lives is being abused. It’s possible (and common) for her to be in denial. Give her this book. Perhaps she will recognize herself in Stella or one of the women Stella meets at the shelter. You could save her life.

I wrote The Dark Room for women who think they are trapped in abusive relationships with no way out. I want them to recognize there are steps they can take, people they can trust, and organizations that can empower them and save them.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman. Her books are available through amazon.com or hightidepublications.com

The Making of an Author

This blog post is the fifth and final in a series documenting my journey from musician to author:

Isn’t it interesting how our lives take unexpected twists and turns? In my youth, I enjoyed writing poems, stories and plays. Like most teenage girls, I kept a diary in which I expressed the angst of adolescence. But I never thought I would become a writer. I certainly never thought I could be a published author.

As I reflect on my forty-five years in the field of music, I realize that while I was fulfilling one of my life’s aspirations, I was preparing for another. I wrote articles for a church newsletter and produced a monthly newsletter for my music school clientele. I wrote curricula, grants, staff notices, policy manuals, parent orientation speeches, and closing program speeches. As I developed five levels of weekly handouts for parents, I discovered how important it was to use precise wording so that even the parents with no musical background could use them to help their children at home. Without realizing it, I was becoming a writer.

A few years ago, I wrote a memoir about my childhood experiences living on a dairy farm, but I knew I couldn’t publish it without hurting or offending some family members. Chalking it up to catharsis, I set it aside. Recently, I resurrected this work and found that, through God’s grace and many edits, I had let go of any resentments I felt as I wrote it. Although it still lacks a title, I’m turning it into a short-story collection about growing up during the 1950s and 60s.

In 2010, I entered a contest in an online newspaper, the wydaily.com with a story entitled, “A Christmas Memory” which won first place. Soon God was placing all kinds of opportunities in my path. I signed up for a writer’s workshop with a local writer/publisher, Greg Lilly. From there, I participated in the inaugural Williamsburg Book Festival, organized by Greg.

In the meantime, I had written a novel, Unrevealed. Three years ago, as I approached retirement, I yearned for more time to write. I realized there were stories in my head that I wanted to express on paper. My first effort was a novella, Diary in the Attic. I had no idea how to navigate the publishing world but through research found a company that was happy to take my money. Since then, I’ve learned that legitimate publishers don’t require money in advance. They make their profit from selling their author’s books. That was an expensive lesson, but now at least I had a book to promote.

The following year’s Williamsburg Book Festival was a turning point. It was where I met Jeanne Johansen, CEO of High Tide Publications. Unlike other legitimate publishers I had contacted, High Tide was accepting submissions. Immediately, I prepared a query letter and synopsis for Unrevealed and was shocked and thrilled when Jeanne accepted it. Last year High Tide published my second novel, The Dark Room, and recently released Edition Two of Unrevealed.

Becoming an author is a dream-come-true. I’ve discovered that I love writing as much as I loved teaching and performing music.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room (Don't let the title scare you. It has a happy ending). Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman.

Almost There

This blog post is the fourth in a series of five, documenting my journey from musician to author.

After the birth of our second child, Carl and I moved again, this time to the Denbigh area of Newport News. Reluctantly, I quit my church job in Hampton, but immediately discovered that a friend from college was serving as Director of Music Ministries/Organist at a United Methodist Church in Denbigh. She needed an accompanist for one adult choir and a director for the youth choir. I accepted the job and continued teaching piano. It was good to be immersed in music again.

Not only did she and I work together in perfect synchrony, but soon we learned that a former professor at our alma mater, Greensboro College, was doing something revolutionary. Shortly after we had graduated, Lorna Heyge traveled to Germany to earn her PhD. While there, she discovered a groundbreaking method of teaching music to young children. It was more like captivating children with music through singing, moving, focused listening and playing age-appropriate instruments. After translating the curriculum into English, Dr. Heyge launched a successful pilot program at Greensboro College and asked us to become involved. It was a turning point in my career.

Dr. Heyge settled in Princeton, New Jersey so she could train and certify teachers through Westminster Choir College. My friend and I, leaving our young families behind, traveled to Princeton to be educated in the philosophy and pedagogy of what eventually became Musikgarten.

When we returned, we established an early childhood music school at the United Methodist Church in Denbigh. It became a successful endeavor that my friend has kept going for some thirty years. Eventually, Carl and I moved to Williamsburg where I founded the Early Childhood Music School (ECMS) of Williamsburg United Methodist Church.

It was no secret. I had found my true calling. I fulfilled my passion for conducting by directing three choirs at the church and the Williamsburg Women’s Chorus. I started ECMS with two classes of four-year-olds. The next year I had two classes of five-year-olds and two new classes of four-year-olds. As the school grew steadily, I hired and trained more teachers. 

Eventually Dr. Heyge moved back to Greensboro where she established the permanent home base for Musikgarten. The company has flourished internationally because of ethical business practices, outstanding teacher-trainers and age-appropriate curricula backed by research. Musikgarten addresses music-and-movement education from infancy through age ten, including group piano. There’s even a group piano program for adults.

When I retired after twenty-seven years as director of ECMS, where I taught ten classes per week, the school had expanded to a staff of twelve instructors teaching four hundred students on-site and another three hundred preschool children in an outreach program to Head Start, Bright Beginnings and Child Development Resources. I had fulfilled my life’s calling, or so I thought.  

Stay tuned for the next installment . . .  

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories, and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed (second edition now released) and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com