The Dark Room

What causes men, or women, to become abusers? Are they born with an abusive personality? Are they evil? Are they monsters?

In my novel, The Dark Room, I explore the issue of abuse which can manifest in three ways: physical, psychological and verbal. Some abusers employ all three ways of controlling their victim(s). But why? Through extensive research for this book, I learned that many factors contribute to the need for power and control over another human being.

In The Dark Room, Hank, the antagonist experiences a traumatic event that precipitates his downward spiral into violence. He begins to abuse alcohol and drugs, attempting to dull the pain of  dark memories. In his drunken stupors, he beats and humiliates his wife, Stella, their daughter, Amy, and granddaughter, Jodie. After Hank forces Amy to buy his drugs, she ends up in prison. He locks Amy’s illegitimate daughter, Jodie, in a dark room and chains her to a bed. He beats her and her grandmother, Stella, nearly every day.

Later, the reader learns that Hank’s father abused him, his mother, and his brothers. Often such behaviors are perpetuated through generations. Without intervention, the abused becomes the abuser.

Battered Woman Syndrome and child abuse result from fear of losing control. By overpowering the vulnerable in their lives, people like Hank maintain control the only way they think they can.

Why would anyone want to read about such horrors? Sometimes at book events, women say to me, “I can’t read that. I lived it.” I don’t even try to convince them that The Dark Room is a good story, worth their time; that it includes a beautiful romance and a happy ending. I understand. If I hadn’t married a good, kind man and raised good, kind children, I couldn’t have written The Dark Room. It would have hit too close to home for me, too.

In The Dark Room, Stella is befriended by her boss, Edith, who recognizes the signs of abuse. Edith is determined to help Stella escape her seemingly hopeless situation. Edith enlists the help of Mike a police sergeant who eventually becomes her love interest. In Edith, Stella finds a trusted friend. Edith is supported by Mike, a good, kind man who provides balance and reason.

I wrote The Dark Room to bring attention to a subject most of us prefer to ignore. It’s uncomfortable to think about innocent children being beaten, starved or hidden away. It’s unpleasant to think about women like Stella being pushed, punched, and called demeaning names until they believe they are worthless and powerless, convinced they deserve the abuse. 

I wrote The Dark Room to enlighten those who refuse to believe the horror exists across all races, ages, educational levels, and socio-economic conditions. It does.

I wrote The Dark Room for people who suspect someone in their lives is being abused. It’s possible (and common) for her to be in denial. Give her this book. Perhaps she will recognize herself in Stella or one of the women Stella meets at the shelter. You could save her life.

I wrote The Dark Room for women who think they are trapped in abusive relationships with no way out. I want them to recognize there are steps they can take, people they can trust, and organizations that can empower them and save them.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman. Her books are available through amazon.com or hightidepublications.com

The Making of an Author

This blog post is the fifth and final in a series documenting my journey from musician to author:

Isn’t it interesting how our lives take unexpected twists and turns? In my youth, I enjoyed writing poems, stories and plays. Like most teenage girls, I kept a diary in which I expressed the angst of adolescence. But I never thought I would become a writer. I certainly never thought I could be a published author.

As I reflect on my forty-five years in the field of music, I realize that while I was fulfilling one of my life’s aspirations, I was preparing for another. I wrote articles for a church newsletter and produced a monthly newsletter for my music school clientele. I wrote curricula, grants, staff notices, policy manuals, parent orientation speeches, and closing program speeches. As I developed five levels of weekly handouts for parents, I discovered how important it was to use precise wording so that even the parents with no musical background could use them to help their children at home. Without realizing it, I was becoming a writer.

A few years ago, I wrote a memoir about my childhood experiences living on a dairy farm, but I knew I couldn’t publish it without hurting or offending some family members. Chalking it up to catharsis, I set it aside. Recently, I resurrected this work and found that, through God’s grace and many edits, I had let go of any resentments I felt as I wrote it. Although it still lacks a title, I’m turning it into a short-story collection about growing up during the 1950s and 60s.

In 2010, I entered a contest in an online newspaper, the wydaily.com with a story entitled, “A Christmas Memory” which won first place. Soon God was placing all kinds of opportunities in my path. I signed up for a writer’s workshop with a local writer/publisher, Greg Lilly. From there, I participated in the inaugural Williamsburg Book Festival, organized by Greg.

In the meantime, I had written a novel, Unrevealed. Three years ago, as I approached retirement, I yearned for more time to write. I realized there were stories in my head that I wanted to express on paper. My first effort was a novella, Diary in the Attic. I had no idea how to navigate the publishing world but through research found a company that was happy to take my money. Since then, I’ve learned that legitimate publishers don’t require money in advance. They make their profit from selling their author’s books. That was an expensive lesson, but now at least I had a book to promote.

The following year’s Williamsburg Book Festival was a turning point. It was where I met Jeanne Johansen, CEO of High Tide Publications. Unlike other legitimate publishers I had contacted, High Tide was accepting submissions. Immediately, I prepared a query letter and synopsis for Unrevealed and was shocked and thrilled when Jeanne accepted it. Last year High Tide published my second novel, The Dark Room, and recently released Edition Two of Unrevealed.

Becoming an author is a dream-come-true. I’ve discovered that I love writing as much as I loved teaching and performing music.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed and The Dark Room (Don't let the title scare you. It has a happy ending). Website: www.cindylfreeman.com; Facebook page: Cindy Loomis Freeman.

Almost There

This blog post is the fourth in a series of five, documenting my journey from musician to author.

After the birth of our second child, Carl and I moved again, this time to the Denbigh area of Newport News. Reluctantly, I quit my church job in Hampton, but immediately discovered that a friend from college was serving as Director of Music Ministries/Organist at a United Methodist Church in Denbigh. She needed an accompanist for one adult choir and a director for the youth choir. I accepted the job and continued teaching piano. It was good to be immersed in music again.

Not only did she and I work together in perfect synchrony, but soon we learned that a former professor at our alma mater, Greensboro College, was doing something revolutionary. Shortly after we had graduated, Lorna Heyge traveled to Germany to earn her PhD. While there, she discovered a groundbreaking method of teaching music to young children. It was more like captivating children with music through singing, moving, focused listening and playing age-appropriate instruments. After translating the curriculum into English, Dr. Heyge launched a successful pilot program at Greensboro College and asked us to become involved. It was a turning point in my career.

Dr. Heyge settled in Princeton, New Jersey so she could train and certify teachers through Westminster Choir College. My friend and I, leaving our young families behind, traveled to Princeton to be educated in the philosophy and pedagogy of what eventually became Musikgarten.

When we returned, we established an early childhood music school at the United Methodist Church in Denbigh. It became a successful endeavor that my friend has kept going for some thirty years. Eventually, Carl and I moved to Williamsburg where I founded the Early Childhood Music School (ECMS) of Williamsburg United Methodist Church.

It was no secret. I had found my true calling. I fulfilled my passion for conducting by directing three choirs at the church and the Williamsburg Women’s Chorus. I started ECMS with two classes of four-year-olds. The next year I had two classes of five-year-olds and two new classes of four-year-olds. As the school grew steadily, I hired and trained more teachers. 

Eventually Dr. Heyge moved back to Greensboro where she established the permanent home base for Musikgarten. The company has flourished internationally because of ethical business practices, outstanding teacher-trainers and age-appropriate curricula backed by research. Musikgarten addresses music-and-movement education from infancy through age ten, including group piano. There’s even a group piano program for adults.

When I retired after twenty-seven years as director of ECMS, where I taught ten classes per week, the school had expanded to a staff of twelve instructors teaching four hundred students on-site and another three hundred preschool children in an outreach program to Head Start, Bright Beginnings and Child Development Resources. I had fulfilled my life’s calling, or so I thought.  

Stay tuned for the next installment . . .  

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories, and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed (second edition now released) and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com

The Dark Years

This blog post is the third in a series documenting my journey from musician to author:

Teaching general music and chorus in middle school turned out to be a great experience, but soon my husband’s job took us to Fredericksburg, Virginia where no positions in my field were available. I had discovered a passion for teaching music to children only to have that door close. 

Survival dictated that I search for a job, any job, and I ended up working as a personnel clerk in a retail business. I felt lost and frustrated, hidden away in a dark office with no windows doing work that didn’t interest or inspire me. But I was bringing home a paycheck. I saved enough to buy a used piano and began taking piano students. I joined a church choir and a community chorus where there were solo opportunities. Good, I thought. At least I’m using my music degree and keeping my skills honed. I’ll bide my time. 

Nine months later, my husband landed his dream job as an aerospace engineer for NASA. I was thrilled for him, but it meant another move, this time to Hampton, Virginia. I transferred within the same retail organization, but now I was working in the credit department at a job I grew quickly to despise. I was expected to make abusive phone calls to customers whose payments were delinquent and to lie to applicants about why their credit was denied. I couldn’t follow these directions in good conscience, and I quit after a few months of barely surviving each work week. Once again, I built my piano studio and prayed for spiritual direction. I also became pregnant with our first child. 

Soon my prayers were answered. I saw an advertisement for a music ministry position in a United Methodist Church. I sent my resume, went for an interview, and was hired, pregnancy and all. This job rescued me from darkness and gave me four satisfying years as a choir director for adults and children. It also resulted in many valued relationships and ignited two more passions, choral conducting and music ministry. 

But how did I become a writer? Arriving at that career took many more years. Stay tuned to my weekly blogs to find out. 

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories, and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed (second edition now released) and The Dark Room. Website: www.cindylfreeman.com

The Next Step Revealed

My previous blog was about the important role singing has played in my life. It concluded with the question, “How did a singer/teacher/choral director become a writer?” The answer can’t be revealed in one blog post. This is the second blog of five documenting my journey from musician to author.

After my senior recital, my voice professor suggested I audition for the Charlotte Opera Company. As I began a semester of student teaching, I promised to consider it. That was my quest, wasn’t it? To become an opera singer? But dreams can change, and mine did.

I realized I loved working with children and discovered a passion for teaching. As graduation approached, I began to weigh the pros and cons of teaching versus performing. What I would do was never in doubt. Of course, I would continue singing. But soon I realized I wanted to be the kind of music teacher/choral conductor I never had.

My elementary music teacher was wholly uninspiring, my high school choral director was crazy, and my private piano teacher was at least a hundred years old when I started lessons at age seven, making her one hundred eleven when I graduated from high school. Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.

I accepted a position in Manassas, Virginia teaching middle school general music and chorus. To say the experience was challenging is an understatement. The kids were bigger and tougher than I was, and I stood behind the piano all day, with one eye on the music and one eye on the students. Keeping them singing was the best way to maintain discipline. But, each afternoon, I went home with a backache and laryngitis.

Although there were two full-time general music teachers in this school, each with her own classroom, the situation was far from ideal. The school had a limited choral library and no curriculum in place. So, that first year (1972), I spent the evenings arranging music for my sixth, seventh, and eighth-graders. With purple fingers, I would arrive early each morning to print copies on the school’s only mimeograph machine.

When James Taylor released You’ve Got a Friend, my three hundred-or-so students begged to sing it… everyday... all day. It was my saving grace. It hooked them, inspired them, and kept them singing without coercion.

My room was next to the industrial arts classroom. One day, I met the industrial arts teacher in the corridor. He said, “If I never hear You’ve Got a Friend again, it’ll be too soon.” I could have complained about his wood-working machines that bellowed through the wall, but I didn’t. I understood his pain.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed (second edition now available) and The Dark Room (Don't let the title scare you. It has a happy ending). Website: www.cindylfreeman.com

A Vivid Memory

This blog post is the first of five documenting my journey from musician to novelist.

When I was a child, singing was my outlet. It afforded me the opportunity to express deep emotions, both positive and negative. Singing was a vehicle for praising God and witnessing to my faith, but it was satisfying on a personal level, too. I was blessed with a good instrument; I received positive feedback when I sang; and I felt compelled to develop my God-given talent. My goal was to become an opera singer.

Majoring in Voice in college was not only the next logical step after high school, but also the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Finally, the time came to prepare my senior recital. I loved every minute of it, and it consumed every waking hour that I wasn’t studying Music History, Music Theory, Vocal Pedagogy, Piano, Chorus, and Conducting.

In addition to practicing piano, I spent five to six hours singing daily. I’d get up before anyone in my dorm began to stir, walk to the music building and practice until the cafeteria opened for breakfast. Between classes, I’d slip into a practice room and vocalize. On the weekends, when my suitemates played bridge, watched TV, or went on dates, I was holed up in a practice room, singing and studying my recital repertoire. There was nowhere else I wanted to be and no activity I found more satisfying.

When recital day arrived, my Voice professor declared me ready, and my parents, sister, and grandmother drove some 600 miles from Central New York to Greensboro, North Carolina to attend. I didn’t feel the least bit nervous. Rather I felt excited. I had managed to stay healthy through the winter months (a miracle in itself), the dress rehearsal had gone smoothly, and my voice was in peak condition.

Other than our wedding and the births of our children, no event in life stands out more vividly. For that one euphoric hour, performing Corelli, Brahms, Debussy, Saint Saens and Britten, I was transported to a realm beyond my earthly existence. It was an out-of-body experience that had little to do with the standing ovation or the A my professor gave me. Today, 51 years later, the memory remains as vivid as the moment I stepped onto that stage.

By the second semester, I was immersed in student teaching. I suppose majoring in Music Education—as opposed to Music Performance—was my insurance policy against future unemployment. If I didn’t make it as a professional singer, I could still teach music . . . and I did for 45 years. But, it was by choice, not by default.

So, how did a singer/teacher/choir director become an author? That’s a story for another blog.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of two award-winning short stories, and three published novels: Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed (second edition now released) and The Dark Room (Don't let the title scare you. It has a happy ending). Website: www.cindylfreeman.com

Unrevealed, Take 2

I believe many authors look back at their first published work(s) with disdain, maybe even embarrassment, as I did. Fortunately, my publisher, Jeanne Johansen of High Tide Publications, has been gracious enough to let me re-write Unrevealed, one of my first novels.

I haven't changed the plot. I still like the original story about a family secret that the protagonist, Allison Harmon, is compelled to uncover. After Marcus Harmon’s death, Allison inherits Wellington Manor, her childhood home, and Harmon & Harmon Enterprises, her father’s multi-billion-dollar textile industry. She also begins to suffer what she thinks are hallucinations but soon learns they are memories from her childhood.

Allison discovers her family has kept something significant from her, and she resolves to uncover the truth. But first she must travel to Paris for Fashion Week. Still reeling from her father’s death, she seeks to remain incognito to avoid the paparazzi. When she meets Jack Sanderling, an American doctoral art student, they experience an instant connection. While they spend several hours talking, Allison never divulges her identity. Jack knows her only as Allie. But I’ll stop there and leave the rest for you to read.

I still like the main characters, Jack and Allison, and the secondary characters: Theo, Allison’s assistant at H&H Enterprises; Zavie, Jack’s roommate at the New York Academy of Art; Silvia, Jack’s widowed mother; and Martha, Wellington Manor’s long-time housekeeper and the key to revealing the secret.

I still like the settings of Manhattan (site of H&H Enterprises and New York Academy of Art), Long Island (locale of Wellington Manor), Paris (where Jack and Allie meet), and Bedford, Virginia (Jack’s hometown). 

So, why did I want to re-write Unrevealed? The more I write, the more I learn about writing. I’ve been a published author only since 2010. While I’ve taken many workshops and seminars since retiring from a forty-five-year career in music education and music ministry, I plunged into writing without a degree in English or a career in journalism. I’ve been learning on the fly. So, when Jeanne asked me why I made so many changes to the original version of Unrevealed, my answer was, “I hope it’s because I’m growing as a writer.” 

The second edition of Unrevealed launched on Amazon February 3^rd. I plan to hold a re-launch party in March. Stay tuned to my blog posts for details. Who knows? You might even get a personal invitation.

Cindy L. Freeman is the author of Diary in the Attic, Unrevealed (second edition now released) and The Dark Room (Don't let the title scare you. It has a happy ending). Website: www.cindylfreeman.com